One part of her wanted to let the tears flow, it felt like the surge of tears was a torrent river, her eyes welled as she watched the memories sweep through her mind like a full colour 3D movie.
The image of her well sculptured, toned body, so beautiful... and now she lay on the mat feeling weak and inflexible. The pain in her body blurred the pictures of what she had been not so long ago, vibrant, strong, toned and fit.
As the vivid movie of how she had looked ran over and over in her minds eye, she realised just how strong, supple and fit she had been and how much she had taken all of that for granted - just being strong and fit was her way of living every day.
Just in time...her inner knowing of peace and strength stepped forward, asking that she be kind, compassionate and loving to herself right now.
The tears halted and she smiled in her knowing that she has been here before. Only so much more scary, she had come so very close to dying and the long painful, slow road of recovery took her 3 years.
But again it was the deep inner knowing that she held a powerful drive and determination to live and live strong and happy.
The past 3 years was not a recovery from near death,it has been an experience of deep deep grief, loss and a sense of losing herself.
On the mat she lay, focusing on breathing and feeling into her inner self then into her body noticing how it was feeling, where there was tension, perhaps resistance.
She immersed herself into her body paying no heed to the noise of the mind,rather moving into the beauty of silence.
She found that everything in her body and inner self wanted release...this meant freedom and in the beauty of silence she found there was an overarching need for freedom and all she was to do was surrender.
Surrendering with love
Surrendering with kindness
Surrendering with compassion
She lay on the mat , noticing there was a calm and peaceful feeling. The tears had gone completely there was no more tightness in her chest or pain in her body only peace.
Delving deeper into this peace and calm she now looked at surrendering "into" the love, kindness and compassion.
The word that came forward from her heart now was acceptance. She questioned "Acceptance of what?" In the silence she heard a peaceful whisper reply "Accepting the starting over, accepting the now"
She recounted the recovery and starting over after her near death, then the more recent grief and loss of herself, still in the deep feeling of peace and calm she placed her hands over her heart and gently closing her eyes she felt the courage, joy and happiness the strength she knows to be her true self and all that she is.
Starting over is not failing or lost, starting over is enriching, inspiring.
Starting over is opportunity to grow and expand awareness and to knowing more and more of your true self, to being able to find all the wisdom and inner strength you have in your Spirit, the eternal flame of your life and heart.
Gwenda Smith
a Spirit Medicine Woman
Unique Healer Authentic Sage
