The story began...The Princess lived in her castle with her Queen and King. But the King was very cruel and mean.
He would beat her and tell her she must know that she was "To do for men"..."that she was worthless".
When the Princess turned 13 years of age he said it was time he was to show her what she was to be and do for men.
Nothing worthwhile, only worthless but to be and do for men. The cooking, cleaning and be beaten.
Then this, at age 13 he said "now I will show you what you for" And from that day on he took her at his will, against her will, he took her innocence, her freedom, her right to BE.
I sat in the audience listening to the story of the Princess in the castle with the cruel King.
My heart burst, tears rose up, I couldn't quite it, the surge of powerful emotions, the fear, the pain, the fear, the pain.
The day went along as it does, minutes, hours ticking by. My heart kept bursting, tears flowed.
I struggled to speak, to hold my place.
What is this, I asked.
What has the story of the Princess and cruel King struck in my heart? I felt for the Princess, ohh my did I feel for her. But that wasn't it
I choked back the tears, as I acknowledged something was bursting in my heart....oh God, the pain, the pain, the fear...but what was it?
Feeling so very honoured and humbled to be sitting among a group of inspiring real women, yet my heart was screaming in pain, bursting with fear instead of with the joy and love that filled the room.
I asked "Show me what is this?"
And there it was, the picture of the little girl, just 7 years old being pulled out from under the huge leaf of the pumpkin vine. She had hidden there after pleading with her Mother had not worked last time and the time before.
Her mother pulled her out and gave her some hard slaps on her bottom, telling her to do as she was told and "go with our friend".
Into his car my little sisters and I were bundled. He would take us to the beach. My sister's were told to go play on the beach but I was kept in the car..."our secret" he would say.
My face against the window, he told me to wave and smile at my sister's.
Again and again he took me away.
I grew up into a strong young woman vowing silently in my heart to never be held against my will by any man.
Little did I know that in my heart I could not trust a woman,for my Mum ( whom I love very much) had not listened to my pleas of help, she never believed me. Only to tell me "don't be silly, stupid"
Then one day in my adult years my Mum berated me very angrily for "being so rude to our friend".
I told her, I stepped up and told her and she refused to believe it could be true.
Even though I recounted the pumpkin patch, described the inside of the car, the smell of the car. But she refused to hear it, to listen and believe me.
My goodness, no! I thought I had sorted this, moved past it!!
I was fine, happy loved life, my life..
I bravely asked "What is bursting in my heart?"
And so on that day I looked back and I came to know why when my kind, loving man wants to hold me, be loving and intimate I feel suffocated. My mind screams let me go, leave me alone, don't touch me.
When he wants to be intimate I say "It's my body, I am not here for your pleasure. See me, see the woman that I am, not the body!"
" I am not here for your pleasure, you are taking away my will, my right to BE "
Broken trust, lost belief!
Thankfully I know how to heal how to be in stillness to hear the wisdom the guidance of my soul.
If you feel pain and fear I urge you to free your heart, dig deep be brave, courageous.
Know your heart, love you and all that is you, feel worthy, be free.
You deserve to live a glorious life!
For all the little girls and boys in the world who know of a cruel King, may you know the power you have within. That power will keep you strong and help you shine!